he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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