i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
