i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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