We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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