I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Welp...herpes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
