she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize