did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
