We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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