hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize