then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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