my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Btw I puked in your glovebox
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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