You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
