...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
