You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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