I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
