chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
