does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
