no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
