whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
