I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
