Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
