So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
did you just send me my own nude
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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