Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize