I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
