gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
