forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
