you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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