So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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