if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Where is the hickey?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
