she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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