I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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