question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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