Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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