I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
