He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
