They should really pass out barf bags in church
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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