we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
