i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
