Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
