how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
even my farts smell like vagina
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
