it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
