I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
NoShamevember. You game?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
