Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
