Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
