I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
