my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
