when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
