I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
