If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
