Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
