I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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