The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
