We're like a lot better than the average bears
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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