It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
