i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
