then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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