Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
