i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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