she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
