dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
