Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
