found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
