im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
