you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
send nudes
from the living room?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
