I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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