Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
