My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
