when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
